Krishna Conscious - Vedikly acceptable Jokes


Healing with humour: Taking better care of ourselves  =>;-))
http://www.hknet.org.nz/healthNhumour.html
Visit our Hasya Rasa pages

Laughter Therapy - its no joke:
http://www.healthlibrary.com/reading/yod/march98/news.htm

'Hasya' or humour, created using either a situation or a behaviour-mode, easily reveals in dialogues and gestures during a play but a difficult theme for a sculpture or painting. There are, however, some excellent examples of 'Hasya' in pictoral art also and these days in cartoons. Besides caricatures and 'bhangeris'-type characters, myths, legends or stories are also used for depicting humour. For example Lord Shiva is camping with Parvati under a tree in the forest. As Shiva is adorned with serpents, a serpent, drapes across the otherwise naked form of Shiva like a loincloth, is covering his private parts. Hearing of him being there under the tree, Lord Vishnu, along with Garuda, His faithful vehicle, comes to pay him homage. The snake, as soon as it sees the bird carrier Garuda, his natural enemy, abandons Shiva leaving him all exposed and naked and flees into an anthill. It is humour by situation. Deliberate tricks and or sarcasm, usually bringing forth the philosophy and culture, sometimes in Krishna-related themes, are also used for creating humour.

To read more about Hasya visit our pages

FOR YOUR INTEREST: This one is not a joke but I thought you might like to know. These are the names of Lord Caitanya taken from the book "Sri Caitanya Sahasra Nama Stotra", i.e. "A Thousand Names of Lord Caitanya" by Srila Kavi Karnapura (as translated by HG Kusakratha Prabhu from the Krsna Institute)...

        So Lord Caitanya is known as the one:

 - hasya-kari  &  hasya-yuk  ==> who laughs & jokes

 - hasya-priya  ==> who is fond of joking

 - hasya-nagara ==> who is the hero of those expert in speaking joking words

 - hasya-grami  &  hasya-kara  ==> is expert at joking

 - pushpa-hasa  ==> whose smile & laugh are as charminng as flowers.

Lord Gauranga's smiling & laughing qualities ki...

                                                ys Radhe Govinda dasa

P.S. One of the qualities of Srimati Radharani is that she is very expert in the art of joking.

This is a MUST READ =>;-Q
http://www.digitalsawdust.com

Four Wives parable:
http://www.hknet.org.nz/4wives.pps

 Click on this link to see how really short life is.
http://www.sastradana.com/video/lifeisshort.wmv

sent in by Shyamasundar prabhu ACBSP

Suvneel called his friend at the Bhagavad Gita class to withdraw from their Tuesday night meetings.

His friend inquired why after many years would he resign.

"My wife and I are taking Russian lessons. The only available evening for both of us is Tuesday," Suvneel told him.

"Does this have anything to do with the little Russian baby you both have just adopted?" replied his partner.

"Yes it most certainly does," Suvneel replied, "We want to do everything right for this child and afford it every opportunity. So we're learning to speak Russian so when the child starts to talk we will understand what it says."

Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older single gentleman who was born and raised a Baptist, living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night, after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest went to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors. As he rushed into Boudreaux's yard clutching a rosary and preparing to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched. There stood Boudreaux, who clutched a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted, "You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

Thanks to Hrishikeshananda prabhu ACBSP in Thailand for this one.


Mrs. Agrawal, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arthmatic classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.
One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.
Now, what does each get?"

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Sunil raised his hand.

The teacher called on Little Sunil for his answer.

With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Sunil answered, "A lawyer!"


The drawbacks of working from home...


Eight-year-old Subha brought her report card home  from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and  a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written  across the bottom:

"Subha is a smart little girl, but she has one fault.  She talks too much in school.  I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Subha's father signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
"Please let me know if your idea works on my daughter Subha because I would like to try it out on her mother."

Did you ever wonder?


 

Did you hear about optician who fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.


yeah, for real, its a helicopter.......to combat "fly away hair"

The composition teacher at the Gurukul asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Jnanishwar got up and read his essay.

It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."

"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"

"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."



Take All Of These And Call Me In The Morning...

John was a clerk in a small drugstore, but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
The drugstore owner had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and asked John for their best cough syrup.

Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering the owner's warning John sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and instructed him to take the entire box all at once. The customer immediately consumed the entire box in the store and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post. The drugstore owner had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once." John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough," the owner shouted angrily.

"Sure it will," John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.

"Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

If it's free, it's advice;

if you pay for it, it's counseling;

if you can use either one, it's a miracle.


The ways of this material world - strange but true

ghosts only


POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When we wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.

Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/

.......more optical illusions and paradigm twists here:


.........little does he know he's the living proof of that research already


Living Just Enough, For the City...

23-year-old metropolitan, Johnny Slick parks his brand-new BMW M3 Coupe in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he gets out, a truck comes along too close to the curb and completely tear's off the driver's side door. Johnny immediately grabs his mobile phone and dials 911. Five minutes later, a policeman pulls up.

Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, Johnny begins screaming and ranting hysterically. His car, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.

Johnny Slick finally winds down from his rant, the policeman shaking his head in disgust and disbelief:

"I can't believe how materialistic you city types are," he says. "You're so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" Johnny asks arrogantly.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you know that your right arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you!"

"Dang it! " Johnny screams...

"Where's my Rolex?!?"

PREDESTINATION, n. The doctrine that all things occur according to programme. This doctrine should not be confused with that of foreordination, which means that all things are programmed, but does not affirm their occurrence, that being only an implication from other doctrines by which this is entailed. The difference is great enough to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore. With the distinction of the two doctrines kept well in mind, and a reverent belief in both, one may hope to escape perdition if spared.

Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/devilsdictionary/

A Sadarji just comes from India and is setting up his office at home so he rings the telephone exchange: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about."

Sadraji: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC Wall Socket and Telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"


......and you thought Australia had a problem with flies


One Special Pig...

A man goes to visit an old friend who lives in the country. Upon arriving he sees a pig walking around with only three legs. This odd sight peaked his curiosity, of course, so after catching up on old times he asks his friend about the pig:

"I noticed a pig earlier that only had three legs, butwhat happened to the poor animal," he asks.

"Let me tell you a story," starts his friend. "Last fall when I was plowing the South Field I accidently got the plow caught up in some brush, couldn't break it loose so I crawled under it to cut away the vines. Just then the damn thing fell on me, pinned me to the ground. I'd still be there if it weren't fer that pig, he come running out there and started digging and rootin' till he could pull me outa there, saved my life I tellya."

"Well that is an amazing story but I must've missed something because I still don't understand how he lost his leg," the man replied.

His farmer friend went on: "Why just this past spring I went out to feed the chickens one night and slipped on something and fell right on my butt. My lantern went flying and set the whole damn place on fire. I was chokin' and lost in the smoke and just knew I was gonna die when I heard that pig squealin' and rammin' till he knocked the door down and dragged me out, saved my life I tellya!"

His friend thought for a moment and said, "Well that's an interesting story but it still doesn't explain what happened to his leg."

The farmer continued. "Well, just this last week, all the sheep over there got into a frenzy due to some noise or something and started running towards the house at breakneck speed. They trampled over the fences, over the bushes and were just about to run over the children when all of a sudden, this here pig was able to intercept the entire herd and get the sheep to turn around...just like in that movie! Saved my children's lives, I tellya!"

His friend, impatient and confused at this point, exclaims, "That still doesn't explain what happened to the pig's leg!"

The farmer stares at him dumbfounded and explains:

"Look. When you got a pig like that, you just can't eat him all at once!"


Thanx to the wise words Amritapani mataji that we will leave you with this time.

.......and always remember (don't forget...)
SMILE IT MAKES THE WORLD WONDER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO ;)

Please Try our little Colour Test - Right Brain vs Left Brain:
http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.swf